I also wanted to share some growth that has been going on in my life. It may seem really petty to some of you, but it may also encourage others... I have loved helping out with Emma's age Sunday School here -- I missed my little Basic Training kids, being called "Teacher, Teacher," (even though they all know my name) and the fun and enthusiasm we share, plus I wanted some good time with Em. Anyway, I have just been an assistant with the 25-30 kids in the class. We are preparing for a musical on Palm Sunday (complete with sign language and actions!) with the 4's and 5's, so we practice together during Sunday School time. Today the music leader went through the songs once and then said "I have to go sing in big service... so one of your leaders will take over for me!" ...and then pointed straight at me. After looking over my shoulder in shock and confusion, I jumped up to the plate and had a great time with them. The reason this is significant is 1) I can't sing and am not terribly coordinated, either -- even the pre-school moves are a little beyond me ;) 2) I may not care what people think of what I'm wearing, what kind of car I drive, etc. but I am self-conscious of how people might perceive my motives for doing things and also of being in the spotlight outside of my normal element. So I found this silly little incident somewhat ironic, but it wasn't until an incredulous Matt remarked on it that I stopped to really think about it...

If there's one thing I have learned through all the struggles, adjustments and truths here, it is the importance of living beyond yourself. I felt like I had a decent handle on this before, but I have come to realize that I have come a LONG way -- and there's so much further to go!! Even a year ago that was one area where I would draw the line and say, "Oh, not me!" instead of "If I can serve that way, great!" But what's more, I would have worried that the other leaders would have thought they should be doing it, that I wouldn't do a good enough job, that someone would think I was showing off, etc. The point is that these silly but real worries all come down to selfish thinking. They all show that I was more worried about what others thought of me or my intentions than whether I was giving Him all I could. Who cares what people think about me? Certainly, I don't want to offend anyone or let anyone down, but if I am doing my best at something for the purpose of glorifying Him (and I don't just mean singing, but anything in daily life), then it certainly would not please Him for me to waste my time obsessing about what others might think about me or let the fear of what others might think hold me back! A lot of times I have not communicated, or not served(or have done so trying to squeeze into a mold that doesn't quite fit) because I was a little too worried about whether it would please men... and it often seemed I didn't anyway! I have also failed to initiate conversation or fellowship for fear of pushing myself on someone who may have really needed me! What I have learned is that walking before Him in your actions (even with the slip-ups of our human natures!) and truly seeking His nature affords a peace that cannot be rivaled -- and a freedom, too! If we are living by the Spirit in us, we should not fear we won't be good enough or fail to follow the Spirit's leading when we are prompted to do something, say something, or reach out to someone!

So is there something from which the fear of man is holding you back?? Something you waste time doing because you feel you have to meet a standard? Break free! He made us for His work, not for something so empty as pleasing men. However you might struggle with this, the commitment to overcome it is to the His Glory! And you will reap the benefits of being liberated from the selfish nature. (Even if your hang-ups don't seem selfish, they are self focused -- and focusing on yourself will never bring fruit!)

If you have questions about this, it just plain weirds you out, or you aren't sure what I mean, feel free to send questions my way!

Have a great week!

Love, Erin